Lanzarote's Hidden Gem: Club Pocillos Uncovered!
Lanzarote's "Hidden Gem"? More Like a Slightly Tarnished Treasure: My Unvarnished Truth About Club Pocillos Uncovered!
Alright, alright, buckle up, buttercups! I've just returned from a week at the fabled, the legendary (or, at least, the moderately hyped) Club Pocillos, and let me tell you… it's an experience. Not always a great one, but definitely an experience. This isn't your perfectly polished, stock-photo review. This is the messy, sometimes hilarious, and utterly honest lowdown, spilling the sangria on everything from the Wi-Fi to the, ahem, enthusiastic breakfast buffet.
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- Keywords: Club Pocillos, Lanzarote, Hotel Review, Accessibility, Spa, Swimming Pool, Restaurant, Wi-Fi, Family-Friendly, Cleanliness, Safety, Breakfast, All-Inclusive, Playa de Pocillos, Canary Islands, Travel, Vacation, Review, Hotel, Accommodation.
- Meta Description: My raw, unfiltered review of Club Pocillos in Lanzarote. From amazing spa treatments to questionable Wi-Fi, I cover everything. Dive in for honest opinions, quirky observations, and the real deal on this 'hidden gem.'
Accessibility - A Mixed Bowl of Tapas:
Okay, so, accessibility. They say they’re accessible. And they technically are. There are elevators. There are ramps. But the layout? Let's just say maneuvering a wheelchair around the pool area sometimes felt like navigating a particularly challenging obstacle course. Getting to the (glorious!) pool with a view – more on that later – involved a bit of a scramble, so it’s not exactly a smooth ride. The rooms seemed alright though, spacious enough.
On-site Accessible Restaurants/Lounges: Honestly, I can't quite say how accessible the restaurants were, I was using a friend's mobility scooter and she said they were pretty good, but I’m no expert in this area - sorry!
Internet - The Digital Desert:
"Free Wi-Fi in all rooms!" the brochure screamed. Oh, the sweet, sweet lies. The Wi-Fi situation was…an adventure. It was stronger in some areas versus others like, the pool, but the signal would spontaneously combust at the most inconvenient moments. Imagine, you're uploading your stunning sunset photo to Instagram (gotta flex, you know?), and poof… disconnected. Frustrating. There was a LAN connection in the room (remember those?), but honestly, who even has the cable anymore?
Internet Services, Wi-Fi in Public Areas, Internet [LAN]: Well, you know. See above sighs dramatically.
Things to Do - A Poolside Paradise (and Beyond!):
The pool. Oh, the pool! The "Pool with a View" photos? Not exaggerating. It's stunning. Crystal clear water, a perfect temperature, and the view…wow. Seriously, spend your days here, and you'll be happy. There are all the things you could possibly want: a sauna, steam room, a gym, and oh so many ways to relax (the fitness centre was fine, but I'm no gym bunny, so I don't use it). They offer massages, body wraps, body scrubs… I did a body wrap, and felt like a mummy. It was so relaxing, I'm still not sure what it was supposed to do, but I would go back.
Cleanliness and Safety - The Sanitization Symphony:
This is where Club Pocillos really shines, thankfully. Post-pandemic, they’ve gone into overdrive with cleanliness. “Anti-viral cleaning products,” “Daily disinfection in common areas,” “Professional-grade sanitizing services” – all true. They had hand sanitizer everywhere, and staff were diligent about wiping down everything. It's a relief, honestly. No room sanitization opt-out, but I’m not complaining. I did have a mild panic attack upon seeing the sterilizing equipment (a bit intimidating), but hey, better safe than sorry, right? They were going all-out.
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking - Buffet Battles and Cocktail Chaos:
The food…ah, the food. Let's start with the breakfast buffet. This is where things get interesting. The “buffet in restaurant” is an understatement. It's a battlefield, but with croissants instead of bullets. The sheer volume of food is staggering. Asian breakfast, Western breakfast, International cuisine - you name it, they've got it. The quality?…Well, it's mass-produced. But there was so much. At least the coffee shop was a decent refuge from the organized chaos of breakfast. I ordered a couple of 'Bottle of water' at the Poolside bar.
The cocktail chaos. Okay, so there wasn't much of it. It was more of a subdued shuffle, with one bartender handling the entire area. The Happy Hour was a great way to experience the drinks!
Services and Conveniences - The Good, the Bad, and the "Meh":
Air conditioning in public areas? Yes. A lifesaver. Laundry service? Yes. Helpful. Luggage storage? Check. Concierge? Present, but never really seemed to grasp my basic requests. The convenience store was a blessing (emergency snacks!), and the currency exchange was useful. The "Facilities for disabled guests" seemed ok, and the elevator was a lifesaver. Honestly, most of it was standard operating procedures.
For the Kids - The Land of Endless Entertainment (Maybe):
I didn't travel with kids, but from what I could see, it's pretty family-friendly. They had "Kids facilities," "Babysitting service," and "Kids meal"– all the usual suspects.
Access, CCTV, and Security - Keeping Things Safe (and Secretive):
Security seemed good. "CCTV in common areas," "CCTV outside property," "Front desk [24-hour]," all the boxes were checked. The exterior corridors were an odd design choice, felt a bit 70s, but perfectly safe.
Available in all rooms - The Essentials (and a Few Extras):
The rooms. They were fine. Air conditioning? Good. Blackout curtains? Bless. Mini bar? Yes, but mostly empty, alas. Free Wi-Fi? Well, we already know the truth. The pillows were…questionable.
Rooms Sanitized Between Stays: Definitely!
Everything Else - A Rambling Roundup:
The check-in/out was quick, but not private - a bit disappointing! The staff was generally lovely and always smiling. The elevator was a must-have! The proximity to the beach was amazing!
The Verdict - Is Club Pocillos a "Hidden Gem"?
Probably not. A good hotel? Absolutely. A brilliant hotel? Not entirely. They've nailed the cleanliness and the pool is phenomenal, but the Wi-Fi and some of the details need some serious TLC. Look, it’s a solid choice for a sun-soaked holiday, especially if you’re not overly fussy and don't mind a little chaos and a dodgy internet connection. I would go back? Yep, I would. Just with a portable Wi-Fi router and a lower set of expectations!
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Okay, buckle up, buttercups, because planning a trip to Club Pocillos in Lanzarote, Spain, isn't just about listing activities. It's about the emotional rollercoaster, the sunburns, the questionable food choices, and the unexpected moments that actually make it memorable. So, here's my attempt at a… ahem… "itinerary" for a week in the Lanzarote sun. Hold on tight.
Day 1: Arrival, Airbrushed Dreams, and Salty Tears (Mostly from the Wind)
- Morning (or, more likely, midday, after a delayed flight and a near-meltdown at the EasyJet check-in): Finally, Lanzarote! That volcanic landscape is even weirder in person. We land, grab our rental car (a tiny, suspiciously dented Fiat that I've already named "Brenda" because, well, she's got a bit of a battle scar), and point Brenda south towards Club Pocillos. The drive is… well, it's a desert. And I like deserts, but even I thought it was a bit much at first.
- Afternoon: Check-in. The reception is bustling, as is the pool. The pool looks like the most pristine piece of paradise ever. This is where the airbrushed dreams start. The room is… functional. Let's just leave it at that. (Pro tip: pack your own pillow. Trust me.)
- Late Afternoon: Beach time! Pocillos beach is… AMAZING. Seriously. The sand is like powdered sugar, the waves are playful (for a while), and the sun… well, the sun wants to kill you. I slather on the sunscreen (after realizing, too late, that I left it in Brenda) and run for the water.
- Evening: Buffet time at the hotel. Oh, the buffet. It's a culinary adventure, alright. I sample everything (risks, the best life). It starts off promising: fresh bread, something vaguely resembling paella. Then the mystery meats arrive. My stomach is definitely not feeling the love. I'm starting to question everything… including my decision to eat four churros.
Day 2: Sunburn, Sandcastles, and Unexpected Friendship
- Morning: Regret. The sun? Merciless. My shoulders are radiating like a solar flare, despite the sunscreen. I look like one of those lobsters they had at the buffet. The breakfast buffet, of course, starts all over again.
- Midday: Sandcastle-building competition with a little girl named Sofia. She's a tiny firecracker with impossibly blonde hair. I, of course, immediately fail. My castle looks like a melted sand pancake. Sofia’s, on the other hand, is a masterpiece, complete with a moat and a tiny flag made of seaweed.
- Afternoon: Exploration outside the hotel. My sister is an expert, so she takes me to a little village by the sea. We eat ice cream (a necessity), pick up some pretty rocks, and feel the joy in the air.
- Evening: Back at the hotel, I'm feeling a bit low from the sunburn and the overwhelming amount of people, so I try to skip buffet night, but my sister insists we try the "themed night." Tonight is "Mexican Night." It's… not really, but we laugh and have a great time anyway. We make friends with an eccentric couple from Wales who have been coming to Lanzarote for 30 years. They tell us stories about the local lizards and the best hidden beaches.
Day 3: Timanfaya National Park, Volcanic Views, and a Spiritual Awakening (Maybe?)
- Morning: We drive to Timanfaya National Park. The landscape is otherworldly. It's like being on Mars. The bus tour feels a bit tourist-y, but the demonstrations of geothermal activity are genuinely mind-blowing. They pour water into a hole in the ground, and BOOM! A geyser erupts. Totally worth it.
- Midday: Lunch at the El Diablo restaurant, where they cook food using the heat from the volcano. The concept is cool, the food is… okay. I'm still chasing the perfect meal.
- Afternoon: We take a walk around the park, ignoring the signs, and get lost. We find a secluded spot with incredible views. I sit on a rock, stare out at the volcanic landscape, and actually feel a moment of peace.
- Evening: We go to the market for dinner, and the food is amazing! We're starting to feel a connection to the island.
Day 4: La Graciosa Island, Ferry Frights, and Turquoise Delights
- Morning: The ferry to La Graciosa. I hadn't anticipated how much I don't enjoy being on boats. The ride is choppy. I'm clinging to the railing, fighting off seasickness. The sea spray is… refreshing?
- Midday: La Graciosa. It's pure paradise. Seriously. Turquoise water, white sand, the whole shebang. We rent bikes and explore the island, stopping at a tiny beach called Playa de las Conchas. The water is so clear, you could practically drink it. (Don't. I think the locals would not approve).
- Afternoon: Swimming, sunbathing (with proper sunscreen this time!), and sheer, unadulterated bliss. I'm starting to fall in love with this place.
- Evening: The ferry back. Still choppy. Still slightly seasick. But it's worth it.
Day 5: Water Park Woes and Ice Cream Triumph
- Morning The water park! I'll admit, I'm never someone who gets excited about water parks, but I know my little sister loves them, so time to get fun! We go on the slides. I scream more than the kids do.
- Midday: The water park food. Oh, God. It's everything you expect from a water park, and then some. Overpriced, processed, and somehow, deeply satisfying.
- Afternoon: Ice cream. We buy an ice cream.
- Evening: Quiet night at the market.
Day 6: Art, Wine, and Emotional Rollercoasters
- Morning: We head to Fundacion Cesar Manrique, the home/museum of the island’s most famous artist. It's… stunning. The way he incorporated the volcanic landscape into his art and architecture is genius.
- Midday: Lunch at a local restaurant. We're starting to get the hang of this whole "ordering food in Spanish" thing. The food is incredible. I eat way too much.
- Afternoon: Wine tasting at a local vineyard. The wine is… well, it's wine. Fun, but I realize im not a wine person.
- Evening: Dinner and a show. We go to some sort of cheesy karaoke night at the hotel. It's cringe-worthy, but also kind of hilarious. I'm at that point in the trip where I don't care what anyone thinks.
- Late Evening: Stargazing on the beach. The sky is unbelievably clear. I don't know if I can explain it, but the whole thing just makes me cry. Good tears, though. Like, "This is what life is about" tears.
Day 7: Farewell, Brenda, and the Bitter-Sweet Taste of Leaving
- Morning: One last breakfast buffet. I go easy on the churros this time. I pack my bags, say goodbye to Sofia.
- Midday: Return Brenda. We realize she's covered in sand. The rental company doesn't seem to notice. They're probably used to it.
- Afternoon: Shopping. I pick up some souvenirs, because if I'm going, I'm going all in.
- Evening: The flight home. As the plane takes off, I look out the window at the volcanic landscape. A tear rolls down my cheek. I can't explain it, but I'm sad to go. I want to stay.
So, there you have it. My attempt at a "real" travel itinerary for Club Pocillos in Lanzarote. Remember, this is not about the perfect schedule. It's about the imperfections, the surprises, and the sheer joy of being somewhere new. Hopefully, your own trip will be just as messy, honest, and human. Good luck! And don't forget the sunscreen.
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Club Pocillos: Uncovered! (Because Honestly, You Need to Know...)
What's the Big Deal with Club Pocillos Anyway? Sounds...generic.
Okay, you're right. "Club Pocillos" doesn't exactly scream "hidden gem," does it? It sounds like a bingo hall in Barnsley. But trust me, it's *Lanzarote's* hidden gem, and that changes things. It's not about glitz or glamour. It's about the *experience*. Think relaxed vibes, the beach right there (and I mean, *right* there!), and food that's surprisingly decent, especially after a few mojitos. Don't go expecting Michelin-Star, but go expecting a good time.
My personal story: I stumbled upon it after a disastrous attempt at finding a "hip" cocktail bar in Puerto del Carmen (more on that later...shudder). I was tired, sunburnt, and just wanted a damn beer. And there it was. A beacon of normalcy. A refuge.
Alright, alright, you've piqued my interest. What's the *vibe* like? Is it for families, party animals, or...what?
Okay, picture this: It's a beautiful mess. Honestly. Families are absolutely welcome (and often are!), but so are groups of friends kicking back. There are definitely party animals, especially when the music cranks up later (more about that later). But it’s mainly a chilled-out, almost *intentionally* un-trendy atmosphere. It’s the kind of place where you can rock up in your beach gear, sandy feet and all, and feel completely comfortable.
Anecdote time: One year, I saw a guy in swimming trunks and a Hawaiian shirt attempt to teach a seagull to salsa. The seagull looked as confused as I was. That's Pocillos in a nutshell.
The Food. Dish the Dirt. Is it edible?
Edible? Absolutely. Gourmet? Eeeeh, let's not get carried away. It's solid, reliable, beach-bar fare. Think burgers, pizzas, the usual suspects. But there are often specials, and sometimes...just *sometimes*...they surprise you. I had one of the best Paellas of my life there, on a whim.
Warning:The cocktails can be hit or miss. Order the basics. Stick to the San Miguels if you’re feeling nervous.
Okay, so the food is okay. Drinks? Music? What's the entertainment like?
Ah, the entertainment! This is where Pocillos really shines, or maybe it’s the Sangria talking... They have live music, often. Maybe a solo guitarist who's trying their best (bless them), sometimes a surprisingly decent cover band. It's hit and miss, but the atmosphere does the heavy lifting.
My advice: Don’t go expecting a stadium show. Go expecting to sing along badly to cheesy classics while the sun sets. And if you're lucky, you might witness a conga line that spills out onto the sand. (And yes, that has happened.)
Location, location, location! Where exactly is this magical place? Does it take a Sherpa guide to find?
Finding Club Pocillos is delightfully easy. It's right on Playa Grande, in Puerto del Carmen. Basically, you walk towards the beach, and it's...well, *there*. You can’t miss it. Seriously. The fact that it's easy to find makes it even more charming, really. It's not trying to be exclusive.
Parking? Because Lanzarote's parking can be a nightmare.
Okay, parking is the biggest potential headache. During peak season, it’s a bit of a free-for-all. There's street parking, and you might have to circle a few times.
Pro Tip: Go earlier in the day or during the shoulder seasons. Or, even better, taxi it! And honestly, after a few cocktails, you'll be glad you did.
Are there any downsides? Because you've made it sound *perfect*.
Okay, *perfect* is a strong word. Let's be realistic. It’s not fault-free. The service can be a *little* slow at times, especially when it's busy. And, let’s face it, the toilets aren’t exactly pristine. Also, the kids can run wild, and, if you are looking for a quiet, romantic night, this isn't it. But, honestly, these minor flaws just add to the charm.
Okay, the "disastrous" cocktail bar you mentioned earlier. Spill the tea...or the cheap vodka?
*Ugh*. Okay, so, pre-Pocillos enlightenment, I was determined to find the *coolest* cocktail bar in Puerto del Carmen. Shiny chrome, pretentious staff, cocktails that tasted suspiciously like mouthwash. We ordered a "signature" cocktail (which cost a small fortune. And tasted like someone had mixed battery acid with sugar syrup). The music was so loud you couldn't even think. By the time we left, I was actually experiencing physical pain.
Lesson learned: Sometimes, the "hip" thing is just trying too hard. Pocillos, on the other hand, just *is*. It has a certain relaxed, "we don't care" quality which, ironically, is the height of coolness.
Would you, personally, go back?
Absolutely. Without a shadow of a doubt. It's not about fancy cocktails or perfectly cooked food. It's about the feeling. The freedom. The slightly chaotic, utterly charming, sand-between-your-toes feeling of being *exactly* where you're supposed to be. It's a place where you can be yourself, and let your hair down. And, knowing me, I'll probably end up attempting to salsa with a seagull again. And that's a promise.
