Escape to Paradise: Your Own Balcony Awaits in Split, Croatia!
Escape to Paradise: My Balcony, My Sanity (and Maybe Yours Too) in Split, Croatia - The Unfiltered Review
Okay, alright, let's be honest. "Escape to Paradise" sounds a little… well, cheesy. Like something you'd see on a postcard and immediately roll your eyes at. But hey, I needed a vacation, Croatia was calling, and the promise of a balcony with a view in Split? Sold. So, here's the real deal, warts and all, about my stay. Buckle up, because it's a bumpy, slightly neurotic, but ultimately pretty awesome ride.
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- Meta Description: Unfiltered review of "Escape to Paradise," Split, Croatia. Honest opinions on accessibility, amenities, dining, cleanliness, & more. Find out if the balcony really is paradise!
First Impressions & The Accessibility Gauntlet (with a Side of Anxiety)
Getting there was a breeze, thanks to the airport transfer – a sweet little shuttle that felt like my own private chariot. From the start, access feels a little clunky to me, as if the entrance design was not completely made for disabled guests. The hotel is part of a chain, and I knew I'd be in capable hands. The front desk staff were super friendly with a smile to make me more calm, but I couldn't shake this feeling. They were right there, ready to whisk me away, which felt wonderfully efficient. I was really glad to see a 24-hour front desk with a good old doorman! So far, so good.
Now, I need to talk about accessibility because it's always top of mind. They advertise "Facilities for disabled guests," and, well, that's… mostly true. The elevator was thankfully spacious, but the hallways seemed maybe a bit narrow. My room itself was lovely, thankfully providing an accessible bathroom. The toilet had grab bars and it was easy to get in and out of the shower. However, there's also some stairs to get to the front of the establishment. Not so much, but this might not be ideal for everyone. Overall, it was a mixed bag, but the effort was definitely there. Considering the hotel's general atmosphere, this might have been a little bit rough.
The Room: Balcony Bliss (Mostly – Thanks to the Blackout Curtains!)
Okay, the balcony. That was the selling point, right? And yes, the view? Stunning. The Adriatic shimmering, the rooftops of Split sprawling beneath me… it was postcard-perfect. Seriously, I spent hours out there, a mug of coffee in hand, just… breathing. It was so relaxing. The high floor location felt luxurious.
The room itself was pretty standard. They have all those amazing things to offer like an extra long bed, and reading lights, but the thing I loved most was the blackout curtains. Okay, maybe I spent a little too much time lounging in bed, but the promise of a good night's rest after a long day of sightseeing? Priceless. The complimentary tea and coffee makers were a nice touch. It made me feel like a king, or a queen.
Internet & Amenities: The Good, the Bad, and the Really, Really Good Wi-Fi
Let's get the small stuff out of the way. Wi-Fi, bless its heart, was free and strong (Free Wi-Fi in all rooms!). Seriously, I could stream movies on my laptop without buffering, which is a win in my book. They also offered Internet access - LAN, but hey, who uses that anymore? The desk was adequate for working, but to tell you the truth, the view kept distracting me.
The "things to do" list on offer was extensive: Fitness center, pool with a view, a spa… They had everything.
The Spa & the Pool: Where I Became a Blob (and Loved It)
Okay, here's where things get really messy, and glorious. The spa. Oh, the spa! I booked myself a massage immediately. (And, yes, I had a spa day/sauna. It was amazing, just ask me again!) The massage was pure bliss, like all the stress just melting away. And the pool? That pool, overlooking the city, was just perfection. Seriously, I spent an entire afternoon just floating, occasionally sipping a drink from the poolside bar (yes, they had one) and judging others. It was exactly what I needed. Maybe I spent a little too much time in the sun…
Dining & Drinking: From Buffets to Blissful Bites
Breakfast! The buffet was actually pretty decent (Breakfast [buffet]). They had everything from the expected Western fare (eggs, bacon, etc.) to some interesting Asian offerings. I'm not usually that adventurous in the morning, but I did grab a few little bites of… something. It was all good, I suppose. There was a coffee shop where I consumed my body weight in caffeine. The restaurants offered a la carte dining. I was able to sample some of the international cuisine on offer.
Cleanliness & Safety: COVID-Era Comfort (and a Few Quirks)
Look, COVID is still a thing. So I'm always on alert for safety, so I was very happy to see the following:
- Anti-viral cleaning products - Check
- Daily disinfection in common areas - Check
- Hand sanitizer - Everywhere
- Individually-wrapped food options - Check
- Staff trained in safety protocol - Check
- Rooms sanitized between stays - Check
Overall, I felt safe. The place was being cleaned.
Service: Smarter Than the Average Bear
The staff were consistently friendly and helpful. They also were able to help find things to do and other helpful items. I didn't need the doctor/nurse on call, but I appreciated that the option was there.
The Little Annoyances (There Are Always Some, Aren't There?)
Okay, okay, nobody's perfect. A few minor things bugged me. The in-room safe box was a little small. Also, the gift shop was pretty generic. And honestly, I wish the music in the lobby was a little less… elevator-y. Oh, and the elevator was a bit slow, which became noticeable when I was running late for my massage.
The Verdict: Run, Don't Walk (But Maybe Check the Accessibility First)
Would I recommend Escape to Paradise? Absolutely. If you want a gorgeous view, a relaxing atmosphere, and a generally well-run hotel, this is a great choice. Just make sure to check the accessibility details carefully, especially if you have specific requirements. And for goodness sake, spend some time on that balcony. You deserve it. This is a solid hotel, but not perfect. Overall rating: 4.3 out of 5 Stars
Escape to St. Louis: Your Luxurious Hampton Inn Westport Getaway
Okay, buckle up buttercups, because this isn't your grandma's travel itinerary. This is… well, this is me, about to get sunburnt and probably argue with a seagull in Split, Croatia. Let's see if I can even remember what I'm supposed to be doing.
Comfy Beach Apartments with a Balcony, Split - A "Plan" (More Like a Suggestion) for Disaster, I Mean, Fun
Day 1: Arrival and the Great Balcony Debacle (or, "My God, I Need a Drink.")
- 10:00 AM (ish): Land in Split. Okay, the flight was… a flight. Nothing particularly dramatic, although I did spend a solid hour trying to convince the lady next to me that yes, I did understand the captain and no, there was nothing to worry about. (She was a nervous flier, bless her heart). I'm now deeply suspicious of any "complimentary" peanuts.
- 11:00 AM: (ish) Taxi to Comfy Beach Apartments. Pray the driver speaks some English. And that he hasn’t been driving for 48 hours straight.
- 11:30 AM - 12:00 PM: Check-in and… THE BALCONY. Oh sweet heavens. The photos online were, let's say, generous. It's small. Like, you could probably touch both walls simultaneously while standing on it. But, and this is crucial, it does overlook the sea. Sold. Immediately. The view! I'm going to spend the next week glued to this tiny balcony, becoming one with the salty air and the distant sounds of… something. Probably ferries. Or partying.
- 12:00 PM - 1:00 PM: Locate the nearest supermarket. Stock up on essentials. (Wine. Cheese. More wine. Maybe some local delicacies if I'm feeling adventurous. Which I probably won't be.) And maybe, just maybe, a beach umbrella that doesn't look like it was designed by a toddler in a wind tunnel.
- 1:00 PM - 3:00 PM: Unpack. Settle in. Discover that the "fully equipped kitchen" consists of two plates, one fork, and a suspiciously sticky spatula. Commence minor panic buying. Realize I’m already hungry and haven’t had lunch.
- 3:00 PM - 6:00 PM: BALCONY TIME! Crack open the wine. (White, obviously. We're classy here). Stare at the sea. Consider my life choices. Vow to write the Great Croatian Novel (or at least a coherent postcard). Notice the seagulls. Make eye contact with a particularly judgmental one. Swear it squawked, “Get a grip, lady.” (Probably just my imagination).
- 6:00 PM - 8:00 PM: Attempt to find a restaurant that ISN'T a tourist trap. This is harder than it sounds. Wander aimlessly. Get hopelessly lost in the winding streets. End up at a place with live music and… well, let’s just say I'm not entirely sure what I ate, but it involved a lot of garlic and potentially some questionable fish. And the music was loud. Very loud.
- 8:00 PM onwards: Collapse on the balcony with the remaining wine. Contemplate the meaning of life and the sheer audacity of mosquitos. Vow to buy industrial-strength bug spray tomorrow.
Day 2: Diocletian's Palace (and the Great Ice Cream Incident)
- 9:00 AM (ish): Drag myself out of bed. The wine did NOT help the mosquito situation. Drink copious amounts of coffee. Contemplate the existence of the snooze button.
- 10:00 AM - 1:00 PM: Diocletian's Palace. Okay, this is actually really cool. The scale of it is mind-boggling. The history is fascinating, even if my brain is mostly running on caffeine and regret from last night's garlic-infused fish. Get completely lost in the narrow alleyways, feeling like I've stumbled into a medieval labyrinth. Take approximately 87 photos. Wonder why I didn't bring a better camera.
- 1:00 PM - 1:30 PM: THE ICE CREAM INCIDENT. Find an ice cream shop. Order a cone with three scoops. (Why not? I'm on holiday!) Savor the first bite. Bliss. Then, BAM! The ice cream starts melting faster than a politician's promise. Struggle to eat it before it drips down my arm, my hand, and onto my new (and now slightly sticky) t-shirt. Seriously, it was like fighting a losing battle against liquid sugar. Mortifying.
- 1:30 PM - 3:00 PM: Retreat to the balcony. Lick sticky fingers. Curse the sun. Swear off ice cream. (Yeah, right).
- 3:00 PM - 6:00 PM: Beach time! (Actually go to the beach this time). Find a spot that’s not overcrowded and try to avoid being sandblasted by children. Read a book. Pretend I'm sophisticated. End up falling asleep and getting a lobster-red sunburn on my left shoulder.
- 6:00 PM - 8:00 PM: Scrounge up dinner (perhaps cooking something myself, if the spatula hasn’t mysteriously vanished).
- 8:00 PM onwards: Balcony. Wine. Sea. Repeat. Maybe.
Day 3: Islands? Day trips? Perhaps… (Or, the Day I Almost Drowned in Information Overload)
- 9:00 AM: Wake up. Painfully aware of my sunburn. Consider the existential dread of another day.
- 10:00 AM – 12:00 PM: Actually try to plan something. Research island hopping, boat tours, and day trips. Get overwhelmed by the sheer number of options. (Hvar? Brac? Vis? What does it even MEAN?) My head is spinning. I feel like I’m drowning in brochures and online reviews. Decide to just stay on the balcony for the rest of forever.
- 12:00 PM – 1:00 PM: Pretend to be inspired by my reading material.
- 1:00 PM – 2:00 PM: Attempt to cook something resembling food, using the sticky spatula. (It was, unfortunately, still sticky, but made it work. Sort of.)
- 2:00 PM – 5:00 PM: Beach. Sunscreen this time. Actually enjoy the beach (mostly).
- 5:00 PM – 8:00 PM: Find a cute little restaurant somewhere.
- 8:00 PM onwards: More balcony. More wine.
Days 4-7: (This is where things get really hazy…)
- Repeat the General Plan: Beach. Palace. Balcony. Wine. Garlic. Sunburn. Mosquitoes. Possibly a boat trip. Maybe. Probably not. Contemplate life choices versus Croatian beauty.
- Likely Events:
- Get horribly lost trying to navigate the bus system.
- Develop an unhealthy obsession with Croatian pastries.
- Attempt to learn a few basic Croatian phrases and butcher them spectacularly.
- Find a hidden gem of a restaurant that serves the best seafood I've ever tasted.
- Have a genuine, heartfelt conversation with a local.
- Accidentally take a picture of a cat that looks suspiciously like it's judging me.
- Spend an entire afternoon staring at the Adriatic Sea, forgetting all my worries.
- Realize that this, despite all the imperfections, the sunburn, and the mosquito bites, is actually pretty darn amazing.
Departure Day:
- Cry, a little.
- Promise myself to come back.
- Vow to learn more Croatian and not be so overwhelmed.
- Buy a bigger suitcase for all the souvenirs.
- Secretly hope they don't have the sticky spatula in the next apartment.
- Probably go back, and make notes to make a better plan next time.
This itinerary is a living document. Things will change. Plans will be abandoned. But in the end, it's all about embracing the mess, the unexpected moments, and the sheer joy of being in a beautiful place. And the balcony? Well, it's perfect just the way it is. As long as the wine keeps flowing. Cheers!
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Escape to Paradise: Your Own Balcony Awaits - FAQs (with a Side of Splintered Memories & Mild Panic)
Okay, seriously, is this place *actually* as good as it looks in the photos? Because I'm always suspicious.
Alright, here's the deal. That balcony? Yep, it *is* as ridiculously beautiful as the pictures. Sunlight bouncing off the Adriatic, the smell of… well, something glorious. The photos don’t lie. *However*, the reality? It's better. Much, much better. I spent a solid hour on that balcony the first morning, just staring. I even shed a single, slightly pathetic tear. Don't judge. It was the jet lag. And the sheer *un-believability* of it all.
BUT (and this is crucial), it also depends on *you*. If you're expecting a pristine, clinically perfect hotel room? Maybe adjust your expectations. It's charming. It's got character. Which, in my experience, also means the occasional wonky tile in the bathroom, and maybe – just maybe – you'll encounter a tiny, brave ant making its way across the kitchen counter. (Don't worry, I think they were just curious. I let him live.)
The balcony... that's the big selling point, right? What can I *do* on it, besides, you know, *exist*?
Exist? My friend, that's a fine way to spend a day! But to answer your question... EVERYTHING. I'm not kidding. I lived on that balcony. I mean, I *lived*.
- Breakfast: Croissants and coffee, preferably purchased from the bakery down the street (ask for a "kruh"). The simple act of eating something with that view? Sublime. Seriously, try it. You'll understand.
- Wine O'Clock (and every other hour): Let's be honest, the balcony *demands* wine. Local Croatian wine, preferably. Red, white, rosé...bring it on! I once accidentally drank a whole bottle of something… questionable. Don't be like me. Pace yourself. (Maybe.)
- Reading (pretending to read, anyway): Bring a book. Pretend you're a sophisticated intellectual. Occasionally glance up to appreciate the view. That's what I did. The view is better than the book.
- People-watching: Watch the boats, the people, the seagulls… It's a free (and endlessly fascinating) show.
- Panic-plotting: I once had a mini-meltdown about my work life on the balcony. Turns out, contemplating your existential dread with a view of the sparkling sea is… actually a pretty good way to do it. Maybe.
It's your personal escape. Do whatever feels right. Just remember sunscreen!
Location, Location, Location! How far is it from… everything?
It's ridiculously well-located. Seriously. You can practically *throw* a pebble (please don't) and hit Diocletian's Palace. I spent half my time wandering around that ancient ruin. It's seriously cool, even if you're not a history buff. (I'm not much of one, to be honest, but it's *impressive*.)
The Riva (the main promenade) is a short, pleasant stroll away. And the best part? Restaurants, shops, cafes… they’re all *right there*.
The beaches? A slightly longer, but still totally manageable, walk or a quick taxi/Uber ride. I highly recommend Bacvice Beach. The shallow water is perfect for a quick dip. Just be prepared for hordes of tourists (me included).
The only slight "downside"? Well...you're in a lively part of town. Expect some street noise at night. Though, in my experience, this largely fades into a pleasant buzz of activity after you've had a few glasses of that local wine!
What's the deal with the kitchen? Can I cook? Should I cook?
Yes, there’s a kitchen. Yes, you *can* cook. Should you cook? That's the million-dollar (or, you know, Euro) question! Honestly? I mostly used it for making coffee and occasionally assembling a sad, cheese-and-bread sandwich. I mean, you *are* in Split. There’s an AMAZING restaurant on every corner.
But, if you're the cooking type, the kitchen is perfectly functional! There's a fridge, a stove, some basic cookware. If you're planning on whipping up a gourmet feast, maybe pack some of your own utensils (or be prepared to buy some locally). But for simple breakfasts and light lunches? You're golden.
Word to the wise: the grocery stores are great. Pick up some local ingredients. The fresh produce is incredible. And for the love of all that is holy, stock up on Croatian olive oil. It's like liquid gold. Drizzle it on everything.
Is there air conditioning? Because, you know, summer.
YES! Thank heavens. You NEED air conditioning in the summer. Trust me. I was there in August. It's hot. Like, seriously hot. Like, "wish-I-could-live-in-the-sea" hot.
The air conditioning worked perfectly. A lifesaver. Especially after a long day of exploring and sweating profusely. And the best part? The apartment cooled down quickly. Bliss.
Okay, but what if something goes *wrong*? Like, what if the toilet explodes? (Dramatic, I know, but still…)
Look, I'm not going to lie. I didn't experience a toilet explosion (thankfully!). But I did have a minor panic when I couldn’t figure out the washing machine. And I mean, I'm *generally* capable.
But! The host (or someone who is likely to solve your problems) is responsive. I emailed them with my washing machine woes, and got a helpful answer pretty quickly. They clearly care about their guests. So, deep breaths. They’ve got you covered.
And even if the toilet *does* explode (which, I'm still thinking is very unlikely), you're in Croatia! The scenery is stunning, the food is amazing. You can probably find a plumber with a killer view. And lots of wine to help you forget about the plumbing situation.
Anything I should *really* know before I go? Like, insider tips?
Okay, pay attention. Here's the stuff they *won't* tell you.
- GET CASH. Seriously. While many places take cards, smaller shops and some restaurants prefer cash. ATMs are available, butBest Rest FinderComfy Beach Apartments with its own balcony Split Croatia
Comfy Beach Apartments with its own balcony Split Croatia
